Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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