At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
