If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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