Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
