No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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