Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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