i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
