gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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