ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
