I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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