so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
