i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
