That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize