I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
