I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
