Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
