My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
