I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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