Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
