feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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