my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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