so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
