So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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