corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
