well I can't set my house on fire every night
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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