i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
