People with herpes should wear stickers.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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