I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
