If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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