I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
false alarm, still single
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
