My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
