he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
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