Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
