were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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