took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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