Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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