Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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