I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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