Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
