The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
