come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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