Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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