NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
