im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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