My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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