someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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