She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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