He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
