Small penises have feelings too.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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