dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
