If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
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