So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
