I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
