I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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