I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
