i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There was a lot of him and a little penis
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
