dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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