fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
