I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Randomize
