I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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