I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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