Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
