I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
