SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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