On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
