the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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