Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
