Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
