Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
