i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
