my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
