Fuck appropriateness.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
