The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
