I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
