my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Randomize
