Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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