She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
