Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
