You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
