Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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