wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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