Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
they call him Oral-B. enough said
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
