She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
