everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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