he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
