apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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