im drinking this country out of the recession.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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