ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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