Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
