I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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